Frequently during this past week, I heard myself saying:” Don’t go looking for logic, there isn’t any.”
Whether I was very critically going over in my head that I had talked too much at a dinner, or at another moment saying: “Why don’t you ever speak up?” Which message was correct? Probably both…
After sharing it all with girlfriends, the reality struck yet again that boy can we be tough on ourselves. We can get all caught up, at different times, into what was wrong with us, what we do too much, what we don’t do enough, what we had no idea about yet feel badly we didn’t do it anyway. As I said, “Don’t go looking for logic.” We are all a wee bit crazy. A wee bit more judgmental toward ourselves, even more than towards others.
In the past, I would have spent time trying to figure out why I felt a certain way, when it started, how I could fix it or put it in perspective. Now it doesn’t matter if it was early childhood, religious life, being an international stewardess, a wife, mom, multiple business owner, or simply the tea I drank, it’s an issue that pops up with the least bit of warning.
The only important factor is how do I stop it all or at least learn to deal with it, so it drains no more energy?
- “I don’t think you can truly change for the better in a lasting, meaningful way unless it is driven by self-acceptance.”
- “We are conditioned to believe that to be worthy, there are some prerequisites we have to meet. But worthiness does not have prerequisites; it is a birthright, and we are all worthy.”
- “Our self-love can limit the love we give to other people, so I invite you to love yourself – all of yourself – including your strengths, flaws, and weaknesses.”
Every quote of hers listed above is right on the money. We all have those moments, hopefully few and very far between, yet welcome to humanity and to God-given worthiness, even when they show up. As blessed as I am, I was talking to a girlfriend this morning and was saying that I knew I would be OK even if I stopped planning, reaching, and striving to grow. Her immediate response was “Yet, you have a calling (from Spirit.) You know you must follow it.” She’s right. Since I was a child, I wanted to make life more fun, more powerful, and more productive, for the many women and men who shared life in the housing projects with me. I wanted to free people from the illusions of victimization and powerlessness that so many have.
I believe every one of us has a calling, a purpose, on this journey.
We have all come to make this world a better place. Not to be perfect, whatever that is, but to be fully authentically and humanly ourselves. The doubts creep in and the self-created judgments show up, along with an awareness of our limitations, inconsistencies, and “not-perfect” presentation, and yet in the end, there is us. These wonderfully fallible, inconsistent, loving, generous, and defiant selves.
Isn’t it amazing that with all the real problems in the world, we have an amazing ability to create so many more that really don’t even exist? We can truly be our own worst enemies. However, it’s only when we step out of it that we can see the absolute lack of perspective we had within those moments of self-criticism.
Welcome to humanity. Breathe, Grow, and Love – even yourself. They are gifts we all deserve.