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Unlocking Your ‘Why’, Releasing Your ‘Be’ and Dictating Your ‘Do’

By February 7, 2018April 2nd, 2018Articles

Emotional Intelligence, and mindfulness prepare you amazingly in living your leadership since by their nature they are each introspective, spiritually driven, and all-encompassing. Many clients I have worked with seemed to go through life simply doing what was presented to them, what they “fell into.” Thankfully, there were also those that were very alive, passionate, and focused, clear on their dreams, their directions, and how they wanted to get there. They knew their inner, driving force and loved it. I love the balance.

You may have success at the moment, your business and your personal life may be doing fine, so the next question becomes: Are you doing what you came here to do? Are you living your purpose for this point in your life?  Are you simply getting through your life or are you intentionally causing it to unfold, each and every day?

Complacency is not a natural byproduct of life; it comes from an unconscious choice for safety. When we live life as it is meant to be lived with all its fullness, we risk on a daily basis. Those risks eliminate complacency and bring depth, joy, and a sense of accomplishment.

The risks you take will be frightening (if they aren’t where is the risk?) yet they are also calculated risks rather than foolish choices. With this approach to life you are prepared to knowingly, as if in a calling, grow into the career and position that most suits your “Why,” the who you are called to become, and what you have come here to do.

Lance Secretan, has written a wonderful book, The Spark, The Flame and The Torch in which he discusses in detail your Why, Be & Do. The first line of self-questioning, as he sees it, becomes Why are you here? What have you come to accomplish? If it is to be a leader, then how? What are you bringing to that role? I have seen consistently that by the time we are 18, on some level, we all feel a calling. You may not listen yet there is an inkling, a touch of interest, in a field that intrigues you. For many it is only realized much later when they are established and look back and see that they have been moving towards this all their life. Perhaps it is in being an entrepreneur, in sales, in human resources, whatever it is, it’s a calling, a “Why.” It comes into consciousness through the lessons you most needed to learn as a child. How you express your “Why” changes as you grow yet the “why” itself never changes.

Coming from an orphanage, being adopted and raised in a violent home in the housing projects of Boston called me to learn that I needed to become the leader of my own life. I needed, with an open heart, to claim my power and self-definition as well as take risks if I was to grow beyond that environment. My initial desire to teach others that they were not victims, to expand their reach, called me to start out in social work, become a psychotherapist with a thriving practice, open my own Institute in Holistic Health, and finally become a strategic partner/coach for leaders needing to expand their skills and jump into a higher level of success that feeds and challenges them in new ways. The venue and clientele changed yet my “Why” never did.

How focused or aware are you of your “Why”? Your leadership? Why do you want to be a leader? In what way does it feed your passion? Your spirituality? Your joy? Your “Why” is what lets you know you are in the right place at the right time and who doesn’t love that feeling?

Your “Be” closely follows your “Why.” We must all “Be” the leaders of our personal and professional lives, causing us to take responsibility for every choice we make rather than blaming them on others etc. On occasion we may choose to betray our truth, to become someone we are not, by going along with another. Their influence is irrelevant, every choice helps define who you choose to be. Choose well.

In your professional life if your desire is to be a leader, or your calling is such, what kind of leader do you choose to be? Dictatorial? Supportive? Inspirational? Motivational? The dreamer with a vision? There are so many choices. Will you keep growing and changing? Will you grab on and hold on tight? Will you lead from fear or from compassion? Will you be at peace and create a culture that supports growth, change, and personal investment from all your people?

What I have seen frequently is that the more you follow your expanding dreams, the more you expand your, and by default your company’s, potential, the more you come alive…. With every risk you take the more strengths you discover, the more areas of growth you see, the more joy you experience, and the more alive you become.

Finally, your ”Do” arrives. As I said earlier, take a moment and look over your life. Have you been living your “Why” while being and becoming the person you wanted to be? If not, gently look to see how you have betrayed yourself. How did you limit yourself? How did you get lost in your own life? How frequently did you settle for surviving rather than living?

Detours can be taken while living your “Why” yet that can be a part of the preparation. If at times you took a position simply because you needed money coming in, fine. Knowing that you did that as a means of paying the bills, supporting a family, etc. doesn’t mean you lost your dream unless you allowed it to go. It could also have been the opportunity to stop, breathe, and catch up with the specifics of how you wanted to get there. Detours can be a great gift. They are only a means of self-betrayal when you let go of your “Why” “Be” and “Do” for one.

Self-Reflections on your Why, Be & Do:

  1. Do you know have an awareness of your purpose, your driving force?
  2. What type of person do you want to become as you live your life?  Generous? Passionate? Inquisitive?  Something else?
  3. What are you doing to support that happening while also making the world a better place?

I’d love to hear what you think and support you in unlocking your why.

Contact me at Dorothy (at) or call (860) 543-5629.

To Your Success,


Dr. Dorothy’s life story of coming from an orphanage, being raised in the housing projects of South Boston, becoming a Catholic nun, an international airline stewardess, a wife, mother, graduate faculty member, Clinical Instructor at a Medical School, and so much more provides the perfect backdrop for her message of joy, humor, passion and faith as the necessary tools for life.