If your wins cost your well-being, they’re not victories – they’re invoices.
There are so many ways to achieve what is viewed as success. Most of us learned that “hard work” was the most significant ingredient in success. Hard work always paid off. It was a simple value to understand if not always easy to execute. Hard work, however, doesn’t necessarily mean only physical labor, sometimes it means betraying yourself.
If our career, our organization, even if it’s one we founded ourselves, is built on borrowed values, we are going to be depleted, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. In addition, those borrowed values will deplete not just our health but also our ability to be a leader with significant impact.
Values aren’t just lofty words; they’re physiology. When you lead against your values, your nervous system stays in a low-grade fight-or-flight. Cortisol spikes, recovery drops, decision quality erodes. When you lead with your values, your system downshifts – you think clearer, breathe deeper, and model stability your team can trust. You’re at home in your own skin. Consequently, decision making is easier, as is taking the needed risks to grow.
However, misalignment between personal values and leadership style fuels stress, illness, and burnout. Years ago, we didn’t use terms such as “corporate culture” or “conscious capitalism” Today, however, the values that run an organization have become so much more of a recognized driver and consciously choosing them is a necessity. All this requires us to know our values, our no-negotiables, in living our life whether in work or at home.
Being out of alignment with our value system drains us in 3 ways:
- Cognitive drag: You second-guess, rehearse conversations, and over-explain. (Leading to exhaustion on so many levels.)
- Boundary collapse: You say yes to what’s urgent, no to what matters—then pay for it at 2 a.m.
- Identity friction: You perform a role that doesn’t match who you are and/or adopt a leadership style that doesn’t reflect you at all. The mask gets heavy.
Being in alignment can heal us in 3 ways:
- Clarity speeds decisions: A 3 – 5 value filter eliminates 80% of the noise.
- Coherence calms teams: Your regulated presence becomes the room’s baseline.
- Consistency compounds trust: Predictability reduces everyone’s stress load whereas chaos impacts everyone in and outside of your system.
Reflection Point: “Where am I still living someone else’s values? Can I define which are truly mine?” Whether you’ve outgrown values you have previously had or are living ones you believe you should in order to succeed, these questions can support you and your health beautifully. Give them a try.
